Don’t Let Yourself Grow Bitter About Dog Ownership

Have you ever noticed a song for the first time and then feel like it starts playing everywhere? Or you learn about a new breed of dog and suddenly everyone seems to own them? Maybe you’re looking for another car, and next thing you know all your neighbors drive the model you’re considering?

The Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon is a frequency bias where something you recently learned about or experienced suddenly seems to appear everywhere.

It’s actually been there all along… you just haven’t noticed it before. But now that you’ve started, you can’t stop. It happens to all of us.

Here’s how the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon (and a few other cognitive biases) have affected my views on responsible dog ownership — and how I work through that to avoid becoming bitter.

Baader-Meinhof examples in my dog ownership journey

I’ve experienced the frequency bias too many times to count in my dog ownership journey so far.

Part of the reason I started seeing these things more was the result of surrounding myself with a larger dog community — but a big piece of it was definitely just psychology.

Realizing not all dogs are social

The first thing was realizing that not all dogs are social. It’s like one day I woke up and suddenly saw how many owners crossed the street or said no to interactions.

Noticing disrespectful owners

Then I started noticing how many people don’t respect moves to make space. It’s like all I could see were the owners who let their dogs pull to the end of the lead right in front of someone else’s face — or the parents who let their toddlers sprint over to every “puppy” in the vicinity.

Seeing reactive dogs everywhere

And as Scout’s “reactivity” really emerged, I felt like we were surrounded by other reactive dogs. At least one barked, lunged, or pulled like crazy towards us on every single walk. How had I never paid attention before?

Running into off-leash dogs

Most obvious of all, then, were the off-leash dogs. After the first one charged us on a casual neighborhood walk, I swear they were everywhere. We felt unsafe even in so many places that had leash laws.

(This has been the hardest to deal with. I think about leash laws a lot, and I wrote a pretty long reflection on how I’m trying to more productively handle my emotions when I see an off-leash dog out and about.)

Once you start noticing, you can’t stop

It’s funny how to this day — even when I’m not with Scout — I’m hyper-aware of the dogs around me and how their owners are engaging with them.

It’s like I instinctively run through a list of questions in my head:

• Are they leashed?
• Does the owner clearly have control?
• Can I tell if they’ve done any training?
• Are they approaching people without permission?
• Do we need to move out of the way?

Enter the negativity bias

On top of the Baader-Meinhof frequency phenomenon, another cognitive bias entered the mix: our human propensity to focus on negative things more than the positive ones.

Not only was I simply noticing irresponsible dog owners more frequently — I was also instinctively dwelling on them. I could pass nine awesome people out on a walk and only remember the one who had been texting and letting her dog run into the street.

Bitterness is on the menu

This, coupled with some other past experiences outside of the dog world, was a great recipe for becoming bitter about dog ownership.

There have been days where all I can see are the “irresponsible” owners out in public:

• Letting their dogs approach strangers without permission
• Failing to advocate in stressful situations
• Misusing tools
• Violating leash laws
• And on and on and on

How can I make my biases work for me?

But lately I’ve realized that — when I look for it — I also see a lot of dog owners doing great things.

As I’ve started intentionally focusing on those interactions, I’m seeing them everywhere, too. Taking the care to note positive situations in the moment helps me open my eyes to just how often they really do occur.

Because here’s the thing: I’m extremely proud of my commitment to take care of Scout and be good species ambassadors in public. But I’m not proud of being bitter, outraged, and unproductive.

So here’s to recognizing my cognitive biases — and not letting them make me hate the world!

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A post shared by Haley 👩🏼‍💻 + Scout 🐺 + foster Mystic (@paws.andreflect)