This is a collection of articles I’ve written (and a few stray podcast episodes we’ve recorded) about the emotional side of life with dogs. Highs and lows, struggles and celebrations, joy and frustration… so many facets make this experience intense. Overwhelming. All consuming.
But unbelievably worthwhile too.
In truth, almost everything I’ve shared about Scout addresses my own emotional journey in some way. It’s one of my biggest passions! I thought it would be valuable to compile some of the most focused posts on the topic all in one spot, though.
Welcome to my own little serving of chicken soup for the dog owner’s soul 💛
(I’ve organized the links here into general categories to make it easier to find what you need most right now — but take those distinctions lightly, since there’s a lot of overlap between pieces. This compilation was last updated on July 28th 2023.)
Addressing the reality of how difficult dog ownership can be
Today, I Don’t Want to be a Dog Owner
“It’s no secret I adore my dog… but sometimes being responsible for another creature is too much. So I’ll admit the unthinkable, blasphemous truth: Sometimes I wish I wasn’t a dog owner at all.”
Two Things Can Be True at Once: I Love & Sometimes Resent My Dog
“But no matter how many times I wrap my thoughts around my “logic list”, mentally tracing each truth like I can somehow cement it into my nervous system, I’m still feeling pretty shitty at the moment.”
My Dog Has Both Helped and Hurt My Mental Health
“Modern society is full of claims that having a dog can do everything from improve our cardiovascular health to pretty much prevent existential dread. While I’ll be one of the first to talk about how amazing pet ownership is, I also think it’s important to be honest about the not-so-rosy realities, too.
This is a deep dive into some popular claims about pet ownership, what the research actually shows (and how hard it can be to isolate confounding variables), and my own personal experiences as the owner of a sensitive, fear reactive dog.”
The Worst Moments in My Dog Ownership, a “Tell All”
“I think I’m a good dog owner. I’m definitely invested in my heeler’s wellbeing (to a degree some people would call excessive). I’ve gone out of my way to learn many different things. I’m confident that, on the average, Scout & I are both fulfilled and happy in our shared life.
But it has not been a seamless journey. Tucked between the love and laughter and triumph have been moments of tears, and shame, and a bit of self loathing.”
Podcast Episode 12: The Rollercoaster of Fostering a Puppy with a Broken Leg
“Sean and Haley are a little tired and frazzled today after some busy weeks… but we sit down to talk about our current foster dog, a seven-month-old puppy with a broken leg, and the emotional rollercoaster we’ve lived since picking her up on Monday morning. We cover a brief overview of Mystic’s condition and what’s made this situation challenging, that it’s okay to have big emotions and struggle with things (yes, even if you’re a self-proclaimed dog person with high standards!), and how we’ve tried to process our feelings to stay connected as a team.”
How Emotional Abuse Has Affected My Dog Ownership
“I’ve always embraced emotions on Paws and Reflect, but this one is a little more raw than usual. As our wedding approaches (eek!) I’ve been reflecting on my past relationship — and the ways it changed me. Here’s how I see that influence my life as a dog owner.”
Confession: My Childhood Dogs Were Obese
“Both of my beloved childhood dogs ended up with joint problems exacerbated by their extra pounds. Their weight wasn’t just a superficial concern — it had a lasting impact on their overall wellbeing. As owners, we could have prevented it, but we didn’t know better. Now, though, we do.”
Providing encouragement and inspiration
An Open Letter to the Overwhelmed New Dog Owner
“To the owner who didn’t realize a dog could be so challenging, who feels like maybe you’re in over your head, who isn’t sure where to go from here, who wonders if your dog would be better off with someone else, who feels like a failure because isn’t living with a pet supposed to be good for you…”
Let Go of Society’s Dog Ownership Ideals
“One of the best things we can do for our dogs is let go of the societal norms and generalizations we hold about what owning a dog “should” look like. In order to enjoy our companions for who they are, we have to also accept who they are not.”
Owners and Trainers: Your Dog Doesn’t Have to be Perfect
“Being interested in and enthusiastic about dog training doesn’t mean your dog has to be perfect. You are not a fraud — and the perfect dog doesn’t exist.”
Why Does Your Dog Need To Do… Well, Anything?
“I believe in starting with why. With so many opinions out there on what makes a “good” dog, the most important thing is deciding what matters in your unique situation, for your unique lifestyle.”
What I Want to Tell Every New Dog Owner
“Sometimes when I journal, I like to talk to my “past self” as a way of reflecting, processing, and celebrating how much I’ve grown. These thoughts were inspired by my early days of dog ownership.”
Podcast Episode 14: Every Dog is Different
“While domestic dogs do share many overarching traits, they also each bring their own quirks and preferences to the table. When we get caught up in expecting all dogs to be a certain way (often subconsciously) we can set ourselves up for disappointment, resentment, or unnecessary conflict.”
Don’t Compare Your Dog Reactivity Journey to Others
“Dog reactivity can be isolating and overwhelming. But there’s also a huge community for it — and to be honest, sometimes being surrounded by so many voices feels even worse than being alone. Here’s how I handle my natural urge to compare our progress to others.”
Dear “Reactive” Dog Owners: I’m Cheering For You
““Reactive” dog owners — I see you. Though you try to hide because you’re embarrassed by your dog’s barking and growling and lunging, I see you. I am you.”
Don’t Let Yourself Grow Bitter About Dog Ownership
“Sometimes my cognitive biases, like the Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon and negativity effect, make me feel bitter about irresponsible dog ownership. Here’s how I’m acknowledging and working through those feelings.”
Working Through My Biggest Dog Ownership Flaw
“High highs and low lows have been part of my life for as long as I can remember. Here are some reflections on how I’ve worked through my emotional instability when it’s a flaw… and also embraced it as an asset.”
“Just” an Owner: Do I Have Any Right to Talk About Dogs?
“I am not a professional dog trainer. I always want to be clear about that! But I think there is a lot of value in us “just owners” sharing, too. We have a huge opportunity to encourage, inspire, support, and connect without pretending to be more than we are.”
Come Together: Unite Around Shared Dogmanship Values
“I see most of the dog training community not as opposing “sides” but rather as fundamentally on the same team: the team of caring about our dogs and wanting to do right by them.”
Offering solutions and ways to process our emotions
My “Head-Heart Thing” as a Dog Owner: When Logic Doesn’t Solve Emotions
“Sometimes I can know something logically… but still feel something else emotionally. In college my favorite advisor and I coined the term “head-heart thing” to describe this disconnect.”
How I Handle Getting Frustrated With My Dog
“I’d love to tell you that I am a perfect owner who never gets angry with my dog… but that would be a lie. Here’s how I try to handle my inevitable moments of frustration to avoid any long-term damage to my bond with Scout.”
How I Handle Getting Emotional About Off-Leash Dogs
“I once got into a yelling match with a drunk college guy after his dog charged us, and let me tell you: Whether or not I was “in the right” in the situation, I still felt like utter crap afterward. I like to think I’ve come a long way.”
How I Handle Receiving (and Giving) Unsolicited Advice
“Unsolicited advice is something I’ve struggled with in both directions. I can feel defensive when receiving it — and sometimes it’s tempting to give it, too! Here are a few ways I’ve started to approach it more healthily.”
How I Try to Find Balance in Online Communication
“I feel so many things about our place in the online dog community: joy and awe and nervousness, too. While I’m still figuring out how to protect my mental health and fully embrace the joy of connection, here are some thoughts about finding balance in our communication.”
Podcast Episode 2: Healthy Relationships
“Sean and Haley sit down to talk about relationships. We briefly touch on our history as a couple, discuss things that went well and things we struggled with as we came to own Scout together, and make multiple connections between dog-human and human-human relationships throughout. At the end I share my very favorite (and rather morbid) way to alleviate feelings of frustration with the creatures I love.”
The Greatest Lessons I’ve Learned in My Human Relationship
“I am more proud of my relationship with Sean than almost anything else in my life. Here are the greatest lessons I’ve learned in my human marriage — and how they’ve made us both better for our dog, too.”
What Living With a Dog Has Taught Me About Empathy (by Sean)
“Growing up with animals helps kids develop empathy — and according to Sean, living with them at any age does the trick. He shares how loving Scout these past two years has taught him to better understand humans, too.”
Avoid Riding an Emotional Rollercoaster With Your Dog (by Sean)
“The most productive way to think about our progress with our dogs is as a summary or average of our behaviors, moods, and interactions — rather than as a montage of the extremes. We aren’t defined by one single moment.”
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