“Pet all the dogs” should not be a life goal
When folks squeal and insist on “saying hi” to every dog they pass on the street, I think they might love the idea of dogs more than the actual dogs themselves.
I know because that’s how I used to be. My childhood goal was absolutely to “pet all the dogs”.
I was so eager to say hi when I saw a canine out and about. (“Omg look at the puppy!!”) I didn’t understand why someone would even have their dog in public if they didn’t want to meet people. Unless there was very obvious service animal attire, I felt I should get to greet every four-legged friend.
I had been taught to always ask first… but my asking was pretty perfunctory. I never expected “no” as an answer. My body language showed it: I’d walk purposefully up, make direct eye contact with the dog, and keep moving forward even as I said my “can I say hi?” as if of course I could. The request was just a formality. I was barely going to wait for a response.
I was a dog lover, and I never meant harm, and I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time.
But I cringe looking back at all the uncomfortable situations I put dogs and their people in.
I remember:
The dogs I thought were just a little shy who were actually losing trust in their handlers—or even developing reactivity—because they didn’t want to be touched by me and I invaded their space anyway.
The owners who seemed uncomfortable because they didn’t want me to say hello but weren’t sure how to say so without causing a scene.
The sad looks when I’d come across offended because someone said “no, please don’t pet him”—and the annoyance when I’d insist that I was a dog person. (So it’s fine, right? All dogs love me!)
The judgment I passed on owners who stepped off the sidewalk, who crossed the street, whose dogs growled, whose dogs barked, whose dogs lunged.
I remember all the times that I professed to love dogs—and then actually made life harder for caring owners and their companions.
Now I see things differently.
Today—with a much broader perspective about canines in general and a sensitive dog of my own (who would really rather not have strangers come on strong)—the “pet all the dogs” phrase rubs me the wrong way. I’ve been on the flip side of all the above interactions, wishing people actually paused to listen instead of just reaching out.
The idea that we should get to greet every dog we see perpetuates a myth that they’re supposed to be indiscriminately social… and that something is “wrong” with either dog or owner if they don’t want an interaction.
Yes, it’s true that domestic dogs are more tolerant of creatures outside their family groups than most social species. But that doesn’t mean they’re constantly looking for new connections—or not allowed to have personal preferences! (Not to mention the tons of other reasons a handler might say no, like being focused on training or recovering from an illness or simply not feeling like talking to someone new or or or…)
Never again will I touch someone else’s dog without permission.
Never again will I insist when someone tells me no.
Never again will I let a stranger put unsolicited pressure on my dog.
I finally understand how vital it is to advocate for our pets and how overwhelming that can feel when the public just won’t listen.
Of course it is every individual handler’s responsibility to take care of their own dog. It is my job to keep Scout safe and comfortable. We can’t expect the surrounding world to cater to us—but we can help create small, incremental change by being more respectful ourselves.
My preferred mantra instead of “pet all the dogs” is “interact with each dog in the way they prefer (which sometimes means not at all)”
