“All in How You Raise Them” Isn’t True (And Truly Hurts)

When it comes to our dogs, I don’t believe it’s all in how we raise them — and I also think there’s a difference between understanding genetic predispositions and using them as an excuse.

Here’s a deep dive into my thoughts on the phrase:

1. Why I feel it often comes from good intentions
2. Why I think it’s untrue
3. What the unintended negative impact can be
4. How we can strike a more productive balance as responsible dog owners.

Where does the “it’s all in how you raise them” phrase come from?

I think the idea that “puppies are a blank slate” and “we can shape our dogs to be whoever we want them” comes from a few different places.

• It makes us feel empowered as owners. We’re in control! We can make an impact!
• It’s an easy cop out to just blame another owner when something goes wrong with their dog. Take cattle dogs, for example: If my neighbor’s heeler bit a child, I could just say “it’s all in how you raise them” and avoid the perhaps-uncomfortable reality that we designed my dog’s breed to nip (and it’s a genetically hardwired behavior I need to watch for).
• It allows us to maintain a fantasy that “dogs are pure and innocent creatures”. If it’s all in how you raise them, that means there’s no such thing as a dog with inherent problems — it’s all the humans’ fault.

Some good intentions of the phrase

I’ve heard the “it’s all in how you raise them” mantra used by people who are genuinely trying to make a positive impact. They often want to:

• Note that discriminated-against dogs (like bully breeds) can be sweet, gentle, or otherwise wonderful
• Emphasize that breed doesn’t inherently determine every trait in our dogs
• Say that traditionally “scary” dogs can be amazing companions
• Illustrate that sweeping generalizations are unfair
• And so on

Those are worthy goals, and I can get behind that intent!

But the impact is important, too — and the fact is that “it’s all in how you raise them” is simply false.

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The truth: It’s nature and nurture both

At the end of the day, who our dogs are is not all in how we raise them — and it’s also not all about breed or direct ancestors.

So many things go into our pets’ personalities, preferences, and predispositions: Genetics, early experiences during their critical socialization periods, environmental factors throughout their lives (even while in utero), even a bit of pure chance, and so on.

The reality that “how we raise” our dogs isn’t the only variable at play can be both comforting and disheartening. But either way: it’s true.

The more we embrace the nuance, the more we can set realistic goals, fulfill our companions’ biological needs, and move forward productively.

Some harmful side effects of the phrase

Unfortunately, touting “it’s all in how you raise them” as absolute truth can be damaging to owners, trainers, and dogs alike.

Here are a few negative side effects:

It undermines the importance of ethical breeding

The idea that “puppies are a blank slate” discounts the importance of ethical breeding with temperament screens, health tests, and an overall goal of preserving — and improving! — the breeds we love.

I particularly enjoyed Marking Our Territory’s article on reputable breeding. An excerpt:

“Adoption addresses the urgency of our current situation while ethical breeding sets the standard for future sustainability. Ethical breeding is not a spigot which can simply be turned off today and turned back on when there are zero homeless animals. It’s a process which requires thoughtful and constant stewardship across generations.”

— Will at Marking Our Territory

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It can cause ostracize hardworking overs

There are countless owners who have tried so hard to do everything “right” — and who still have dogs with ongoing fear or behavioral issues. Saying “it’s all in how you raise them” hurts folks who put in amazing effort but still struggle due to their dogs’ genetic capacities.

It creates unrealistic expectations for dog-owner teams

The “puppies are a blank slate” mantra can also give false confidence to owners who are working with great genetics, leading to a surprisingly steep learning curve if they bring home a more difficult companion down the line.

By the same token, it can give false insecurity to those previously mentioned guardians who are dealing with some traits out of their control.

Ultimately: Thinking that we can control every facet of our dogs’ personalities by “raising them right” creates incredibly unrealistic expectations that can be harmful in both directions.

It can make it harder for owners to confidently advocate

When we tell folks they can’t say hi, turn down on-leash greetings, or cross the street to make space, it’s easy to feel judged.

General public perception is still that all dogs should love everyone — and when your dog doesn’t fit the “happy go lucky” sitcom archetype, it’s not hard to imagine that folks are blaming you for it.

“Do they think my dog is aggressive? That I’m a bad owner? That I didn’t raise her right?”

This can make it more difficult to confidently advocate for our dogs in the way we know they need us to.

Ultimately: We can strike a healthy balance

Who my dog is — the good, the bad, the hilarious, the heartbreaking — isn’t all my fault. But her wellbeing, quality of life, and public behavior is my responsibility.

I think it’s important to both 1) accept our pets’ inherent predispositions and 2) consider what work we can do to help them better fit into and enjoy our lives together.

Coming to terms with who Scout is because of her breed, direct lineage, and early experiences — and who she can be through our continued training together — has helped me set more practical goals and celebrate the little wins.

The above posts aren’t entirely about nature and nurture specifically, but they’ve been incredibly helpful concepts for me in all areas of my dog ownership. At the end of the day, life is about balance!