What I value most in a dog-owner relationship
I’ve had my sensitive, sweet, silly Australian cattle dog for more than four years now. Being her owner has taught me more than I could have imagined—and I’ve reflected on our goals and fulfillment and core values as we’ve grown.
At the end of the day, the things I most care about in my life with Scout are centered on our deep social bond. Here’s a look at what they are.
My dog’s trust in me
I know it’s impossible to predict the future (the many things we’ve changed our minds on over the years speak to that) but I’m confident faith in handler will continue to be one of the most important concepts in my relationship with every future dog I own.
Scout did not trust me when I first adopted her. She had no reason to. In fact, I’d given her pretty clear justifications for why she shouldn’t feel safe with me. Even though I had the best intentions, I allowed other dogs to get into her space while she felt trapped on a leash. I let people greet her in the same way without taking inventory of her body language first. I pushed us both into situations we weren’t ready for in the name of growth… and also sometimes in the name of ego.
When I started to prioritize her trust in me—when I committed to being her safe space—our world opened up as our relationship became stronger. I was able to consistently be a source of Scout’s confidence rather than her confusion. This enabled my cattle dog to draw comfort from me and relax in situations she’d previously been unable to. It also helped her take guidance from me more readily (more on that in the cooperation section below) because she knew I wouldn’t lead her astray.
You can read more about Scout’s trust in me in these articles:
Some of the most important parts of Scout’s trust in me
Advocating for her space (I will keep the scary things away from you)
Our cattle dog is sweet as can be and pretty much never wants conflict with any living creature. But she’s also shy (socially), timid (environmentally), and easily overwhelmed (in general). Because of this, protecting her space is a key part of maintaining her trust in me out in public.
I don’t let people touch her without my permission (and my permission requires an assessment of her body language that indicates her permission, too). I don’t let other dogs get into her bubble. This is one of the most common, surface-level definitions of “advocating for your dog”—not letting scary things reach them.
Creating clarity in communication
I try to be consistent in my communication with and expectations for Scout. Our commands mean the same thing every time, in every environment—and if she struggles with them I help her through it.
Why is it so important to prioritize clarity? Confusion, even if accidental, is a great way to breed general distrust. Think about a friend you might have who gives off conflicting social signals or whose mood flips abruptly when you’re around them… It can be disconcerting, right? That’s the last way I want to make my dog feel.
My trust in my dog
The same way it’s important that Scout trusts me, it’s also important for our lifestyle that I trust her.
Make no mistake: I recognize that she is a canine—a species we humans can’t pretend to fully understand—and her experience of the world will always be a black box in some ways. I never expect “100%” guarantees about anything (even in my human relationships, if I’m honest—we’re living creatures, not robots).
That said, I believe we can create a very reasonable, baseline level of trust that makes life feel more seamless.
Some of the most important parts of my trust in Scout
I’m able to give her liberty and freedom of choice in more situations
When I trust Scout to make good decisions, I don’t feel compelled to micromanage her. She can enjoy liberty in the situations we most commonly find ourselves in—which is a win-win for both of us since it gives her more freedom of choice (yay agency!) and gives me more peace of mind with less effort (yay feeling like it’s easier to go enjoy things in the world together).
You can read more about liberty in these pieces:
I can relax more myself—which helps her relax in turn
I also believe Scout is quite good at reading my intentions. No, she isn’t a psychic, and I still think critically about how I can make sure I’m being clear with her (especially in more stressful environments). But she’s also shown me time and time again that she knows when I’m feeling confident… and she knows when I’m holding back.
If my cattle dog senses that I’m not trusting her—that I’m hedging my bets, so to speak—it can easily put her on edge. That nervousness decreases the odds of her making good clear-headed decisions and therefore makes our outings worse.
On the other hand, if I’m genuinely comfortable in a situation and feel confident giving her more agency? Scout picks up on that. She’s incredibly attuned to my emotions, which means my comfort ultimately helps her feel more comfortable, too.
In short: Two-way trust means increased quality of life for all!
Our ability to cooperate
I fundamentally think of Scout’s obedience commands as an exercise in our cooperation as a team rather than just in her compliance. I do consider myself the “leader” in our relationship—while that can be a loaded term in the dog training world, I need to be in charge in our human-centric world—but what matters most is that we can cooperative back and forth. After all, we’re social creatures whose species have coevolved for generations!
Scout’s ability and willingness to cooperate with me means I can have the necessary control of her to be respectful in public. (It feeds directly into the trust I talked about in the previous section.) And my ability and willingness to cooperate with her means I can interpret her body language, give credence to how she feels, and compromise as necessary. We can effectively negotiate and make decisions as a team.
It’s a balance of respecting each other as individuals, honoring innate characteristics, considering our impact on others in shared public spaces, and maximizing shared enjoyment.
You can read more about cooperation and obedience in these pieces:
Training That Makes Our Dog Easy to Live With (written by Sean)
“Just” a Boy and His Dog (written by Sean)
The fun we have together
Everything in this article leads into the core reason I got a dog: to have fun together. That’s one of the most important parts of any relationship I have. Do we make each other’s lives better? Do we bring joy? Some stress, some hard moments, some uncomfortable growth is always inevitable—but is our net impact far more positive than negative?
That’s what I want for me and Scout. That’s what I want with any other dogs I’m lucky enough to own.
