Why I love to (sometimes) “leave the dog behind”
First written on September 16th, 2023 in upstate New York. Last tweaked in June 2024.
I’m writing this from a coffee shop that doesn’t allow dogs. Scout is safely settled in our (secure, temperature controlled, monitored) van parked a block away while Sean and I share a mocha. This is a somewhat regular occurrence—me and him doing an activity alone while she gets some extra rest—and all three of us are happy with it…
Even though it goes directly against the popular “never leave the dog behind” mantra.
I do love the overarching sentiment of that phrase. We should include our companions in our lives! It is our responsibility to give them rich, varied experiences! And I’m clearly obsessed with my dog. (I’ll let this entire blog speak for itself.)
But I’m not sold on “always” or “never” statements. Sometimes it’s okay to leave the dog behind. Sometimes it’s the very best thing for everyone: me, her, local wildlife, sensitive natural environments, other people in shared spaces, the list goes on and on.
Here’s why I love sometimes leaving the dog behind.
It can be healthy to have time without our pets
As much as I adore my dog? I don’t want to spend every waking second with her, all day every day, without any breaks. I think she feels the same about me. And that’s okay!
We’ve got a great bond—living in a van full time means we’re together more than ever nowadays—but like any relationship we need a balance of activities for us to both function at our best.
A few specific thoughts here:
Scout needs more sleep than Sean and I do
We humans are fine with 6-8 hours, but our dog requires closer to 11-14. Even though we’ve prioritized spots where she can be comfortable in the van (her crate was the first thing we put in our design, and she loves lounging on the bed) it’s impossible to give her as much proper peace when we’re all inside together.
Leaving her behind—in a familiar, quiet, safe space—is a great way to encourage deeper rest.
Space can help us reset
Scout is an incredibly sensitive dog… and I am a rather sensitive human.
Sometimes this is the perfect storm for us to “snowball” off of each other. Our heeler might get on my nerves, or her fear will feel exhausting for me. Then she’ll immediately pick up on my shift in mood, which will further affect her mental state. And on and on and on.
We’ve both grown more stable over time—addressing my own emotional volatility has been one of the key efforts of my dog ownership journey—but occasional breaks are still important for us both.
My relationship with my husband deserves its own time
While Scout was just “mine” when I first adopted her, there’s no denying that she’s “ours” now. Sean adores her (almost) as much as I do. Our adventures as a little family are some of my favorite memories!
That said… our cattle dog isn’t our entire life. My husband and I have a bond outside of her, and it’s important that we do humans-only things sometimes. This doesn’t mean we love Scout any less. It does mean we prioritize our own foundation so we can keep sharing that joy with her, too.
Some activities don’t allow dogs (for very good reason)
And we don’t want to miss out on all of them.
While we often do specifically select pet-friendly hiking trails, breweries, and more to share with Scout, on occasion we’re excited about an environment where she just can’t join us. So far I’ve never regretted planning ahead so that she can stay behind while Sean and I experience once-in-a-lifetime moments together—like seeing wild orcas on a boat tour of the Kenai Fjords or hiking to Delicate Arch at sunrise or spotting wildflowers in a protected area.
Just a few reasons a certain place might not allow pets:
Sensitive or endangered flora and fauna
Fragile soil and erosion
Large crowds and narrow paths
Hazards like uneven footing, hot asphalt, etc
Violating pet rules is not aligned with our values
While service dogs have public access rights (you can read more about ADA regulations in the United States here), pets don’t. Even a therapy dog or emotional support animal is only permitted to be in pet-friendly areas.
Scout is quite well trained and generally a joy to have out in public. But we aren’t above the rules that exist to keep spaces safe!
The same way it’s important to me to respect the legislative intent of leash laws, it’s also important to me to respect that not every business, park, or other environment is open to my dog. If pets aren’t allowed, we don’t bring her. End of story.
My dog doesn’t even want to go everywhere
And even if Scout was allowed in every environment we humans want to visit? She wouldn’t enjoy all of them.
Our cattle dog is more confident and resilient than ever—but she’s still timid and easily overwhelmed. Could she sit close to another dog at a city patio with bustling car and foot traffic nearby? Yes (with some help from us). Would she have a good time? Probably not. And does she need to? Not usually.
Just because my dog could come with me doesn’t mean I always should take her.
Of course, we will find ourselves in situations where she needs to do things she doesn’t like. It’s important to me to prepare her for that. To build her frustration tolerance and resiliency. To not shelter her unproductively!
But there’s a difference between creating a dog who can’t bear any discomfort and thoughtfully making decisions to maximize everyone’s enjoyment. And there’s a difference between Scout “handling” an environment with no outright inappropriate behavior and actually feeling happy to be there.
Sometimes “leaving the dog behind” is exactly what the dog prefers.
How I decide if I should bring my dog somewhere or not
The below flowchart and this longer blog dive into my thought process when deciding whether I should leave Scout behind. It’s certainly not a perfect equation every time—but even a little thought can go a long way in maximizing our shared joy and helping us live in harmony with each other.
