Why don’t I let most strangers pet my dog in public?

When my Australian cattle dog and I are out in public, I politely decline strangers’ requests to pet her.

Why, though? She generally likes people. Though shy at first, she makes friends quickly and rolls over for belly rubs sweetly. If someone asks if she’s friendly, the answer is “yes”.

But she also trusts me — and that’s something I’ve worked really hard to earn.

Here’s my reasoning to keep strangers out of her personal space!

* Update August 2021: As time has gone on, I’m more willing to allow polite strangers to interact with my dog when she’s comfortable. You can read further details on how I make those decisions — and overall how our thought process has evolved — in this newer blog! Most of the general points in the below article still stand, though, so I’m leaving it intact below.

1) Many people don’t know how to politely interact with dogs

In the past, I let many people pet Scout. She was a little bit shy, and I hoped that having positive experiences with strangers would help her become more confident!

Unfortunately, though, many people who said hi to her had no idea how to interact with dogs. They’d suddenly stick a hand in her face, get nose to nose, or otherwise make her uncomfortable.

The last thing we need is for Scout to have a bad experience that might make her truly nervous around new folks. It’s pretty difficult to gauge how someone is going to handle petting her just seconds after meeting them — and once they start, things can happen quickly. What their dog at home likes or what they’ve seen in the movies might not work for Scout!

That’s why it’s easiest to just say no and eliminate the chance of anyone making her uncomfortable. We save the affection for people we do know and trust.

2) I want to be the most engaging thing in my dog’s environment

Even if every interaction Scout had with a stranger was positive, I still wouldn’t want her consistently thinking she should say hello to all the people we pass.

This is for two main reasons:

First, the more reinforcement she receives from strangers, the less she focuses on me in public. That’s not what I want for training! When we’re out and about, it’s important to me that I’m the most exciting, fun, rewarding thing in Scout’s environment. This makes it easier for her to listen to my direction — and enables us to navigate new situations together as a team.

Second, not every stranger wants to say hi to her! Many people are afraid of dogs or simply not interested in interacting with them. If I teach Scout that she gets to approach every person we pass, she could easily develop a habit of pulling towards them, possibly making them uncomfortable.

At the end of the day, one of my favorite things about my little speckled cattle dog is her attitude towards strangers. She’s neutral in passing but affectionate once you start engaging with her — and I want to keep it that way.

3) She needs to know I will advocate for her

Perhaps the most important reason I don’t let strangers into Scout’s space: I need to show her that I will always advocate for her.

Part of working through her fear of other dogs is teaching her that I’ve got her back. This means not allowing anyone or anything — even if it isn’t “scary” — into her personal bubble while we’re out, especially if she’s under command.

To me, advocating means creating situations where she can relax and stay neutral to the environment because she knows that I have it under control. She’s able to relax on her place command at a public outdoor mall because she trusts that nothing exciting (good or bad) is going to happen while we’re there!

How do I say no when people ask to pet my dog?

Sometimes these situations feel awkward. I know most people mean well — I can appreciate that they want to admire my dog! We have that in common 😉

At the same time, I stand by my reasons to turn down most interactions, especially if someone reaches out to touch her without asking or addresses my dog before acknowledging me.

Here’s my go-to process to advocate for Scout while staying polite:

“Sorry, we’re training!”

I start by saying something like “sorry, we’re training”.

If the stranger is a kid, I might ask if they want to help us train. That usually gets them excited! I’ll have them spin in a circle or do a jumping jack to proof whatever command she is in. This way they get to feel involved, and Scout gets extra impulse control practice without having her space invaded. A win-win-win if there ever was one!

If it’s an adult, sometimes they’re interested in learning more about what we’re doing. I love these opportunities to “talk dogs” and help normalize training our canine companions more regularly!

“She’s nervous and needs space.”

If saying that we’re training doesn’t work, I might say that Scout is nervous. This usually tugs at people’s heartstrings and makes it easier for them to disengage.

Sometime she might not actually be nervous — but I’ve learned that what matters most in these situations is saying the right thing to prevent someone from reaching for her, whether or not it’s the most accurate description.

“Don’t touch her.” “No, you can’t.”

If the situation is more dire — someone already has their hand a foot away from her face or is approaching quickly — I waste no time in making my position clear.

If at all possible, I want to have a police interaction with every stranger who asks about Scout. I’m happy to chat and answer questions! But my dog’s comfort and safety is ultimately more important than anyone’s opinion of me, and I’m not afraid to come across as “rude” if that’s what’s going to be best for her.

I’m not a very forceful person by nature. These experiences can be really uncomfortable! I find it helpful to remember the reasons I say no. Sometimes I repeat them in my head, and that gives me the resolve to do what I need to do.

Do I ever make exceptions?

Don’t get me wrong — saying no to strangers isn’t a hard-and-fast, all-the-time, under-all-circumstances rule. I do make exceptions!

If Scout is into it and I feel that I can trust the person who wants to say hi, I’m happy to let her get some extra love.

The key is that the situation is controlled — and I make it clear to Scout that she’s allowed to say hello. I never let anyone touch her when she’s under command.

In the perfect situation:

• Someone asks to say hi to her
• I tell them we can see if she wants to (this makes it clear that her comfort matters)
• I release her from her command
• She approaches the stranger willingly on her own
• They pet her for a few seconds before she returns to me

If Scout doesn’t want to be touched, I won’t force it. This can be a great opportunity to talk about dog body language and help explain that not every dog wants to be cuddled by every human 24/7.

Is it always bad to let strangers pet your dog?

The dog world is full of a lot of “rules” that can feel overwhelming. Just because I don’t like to let strangers pet Scout doesn’t mean it’s objectively wrong!

There are plenty of reasons to say no to strangers saying hi — and also several reasons to allow it, depending on the situation. Every individual dog, owner, environment, and training goal is different.

I generally think the safest approach is to avoid interactions with strangers altogether. That’s our personal decision based on our individual risk assessment based on the lifestyle we want to live!

As long as you have your dog’s best interests in mind and being a respectful user of public space, you’re doing it “right”.