Before working with a dog trainer or business, I want to ask…

Strap in for Mildly (Moderately? Extremely?) Preachy Haley. Train dogs be kind!!

My addition to any “what to ask a new dog trainer before working with them” and “what to look for in a business/influencer before supporting them” list:

“Are you routinely an asshole to people on the internet?”

If the answer is yes, we are not a fit.

I am incredibly over trainers bashing fellow trainers and—often worse—well-meaning owners. So done with creators tearing each other apart. We all know there are real people behind each screen, right? Creatures who deserve kindness the same way our dogs do?

It’s one thing to try to open up a conversation. Focus on concepts over individual condemnation. Speak out against true abuse.

It’s another to publicly shame, attack, or belittle someone without context.

Because here’s my take: You don’t really care about peace and community and kindness if you publicly berate someone and then refuse to engage in conversation when they offer. You might do a lot of other great things. We might align on plenty of other values. But if you pick and choose when you pretend to be kind and when you drag someone down? I can’t trust you. I can’t feel safe with you as part of my community. I sure as hell can’t grow with my dog alongside you.

I’ve worked too hard to create a sense of peace in our lives—a feeling that I know is still more precarious than I’d like—and I will not let people with no investment in my personal wellbeing snatch it away again.

The longer I exist on social media, the more of this I see. The more disheartened I grow. Small businesses who use their platforms to drag fellow creators down. Trainers who chase heated arguments for the views. People who could connect around meaningful shared goals instead throwing punches over small potatoes.

I am all in for challenging conversations—they are often some of my favorites—but only, only, only when held in good faith. If you can’t meet me there, I am done trying to chase you down.

(And if you ever see me engaging with or promoting someone who has done these things… please let me know, if you can. It’s easy to miss things online but this is one of my core values.)